Here are my week one picks. I hope you like them. Or disagree with them. So this way I can think your a fag. Football.
Saints (+6) over PACKERS
So it was a magical run for the Pack. They became champions last fall while Brett Favre became the ultimate joke. Not a bad 2010.
Now they have to start their repeat, against the always dangerous Saints team. The Saints will be hyped, and this will probably be a shootout. I think 6 points is too much for a spread.
Packers 27 Saints 24
TAMPA BAY (-1) over Detroit
I'm just not buying the Lions hype. They'll be improved, but by how much? A game? Two? I still see Legarrette Blount running all over them and punching them all in the face.
Buccs 24 Lions 17
Pittsburgh (+2) over BALTIMORE
We've all seen this game before. This one might be higher scoring than usual. Either way, Pittsburgh is still a step ahead.
Steelers 21 Ravens 17
ST. LOUIS (+5) over Philadelphia
The Rams won't win, but Bradford will show he's legit and keep it close.
Eagles 31 Rams 28
CLEVELAND over Cincy
Always go against a ginger quarterback.
Browns 1000 Bengals -3
Buffalo (NL) over KANSAS CITY
Tyler Palko wasn't that bad for the Pitt Panthers. I kind of like Buffalo this season, but I don't want to openly admit it because I'm afraid of what my peers will think. Buffalo is that fat chick with big tits that you really want to bang, but don't want to tell anyone.
Fat Chicks 24 Chiefs 20
Titans (NL) over JAGS
If the Bills are fat chicks, Luke McCown is a tranny. He looks like he might look good, but you remember that he has a dick. He's a giant turd. Luke McCown is a giant turd. CJ will look mid-season form.
Titans 27 Jags 3
Colts (+9) over TEXANS
I just feel like the Texans will find a way to choke, even without Peyton Manning in the lineup for the Colts.
Colts 14 Texans 13
Atlanta (-3) over CHICAGO
It's going to be a tough, physical, grind em out game. Atlanta's the better team. They can do more with the passing game.
Falcons 24 Bears 20
Seattle (+2) over SAN FRAN
Seattle's the better team. Tavares Jackson has to find a way to not lose this one.
CARDINALS (-4) over Panthers
This one is a wild card, but I seriously don't think Cam Newton is ready to play yet. He's that 13 year old with a big rack of boobies. The Panthers are going with him now, but they'll be on To Catch a Predator by week 8.
Cardinals 31 Panthers 14
REDSKINS (+4) over Giants
I have a sneaky suspicion that the Redskins will be good this year. Hightower looks good in that zone scheme. Grossman looks like Plummer. More importantly, the Giants are decimated with injuries.
Redskins 28 Giants 21
Vikings (+8.5) over CHARGERS
They might not win, but McNabb will be good enough at play-action that Adrian Peterson's box won't be stacked all game. Chargers win a close one.
Chargers 21 Vikings 20
JETS (-4) over Cowboys
Jets aren't losing on 9/11 at home.
Jets 17 Cowboys 10
Patriots (-27) over TURDBAG CHAD HENNE
BRONCOS (-3) over AL DAVIS DECAYED CORPSE
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
2011 Power Rankings
This season should be interesting.
32. Bengals - Rookie Quarterbacks never get it done unless they are in a fail-proof, run-heavy defensive team. Good luck, Andy Dalton!
31. Seahawks - Tavaris Jackson.
30. Jaguars - Luke McCown.
29. 49ers - Alex Smith.
28. Panthers - They can run the ball. Ron Rivera can call a game defensively. Can Cam Newton "slam guys" as John Gruden puts it?
27. Browns - If Peyton Hillis gets hurt, and he will, this team won't be competitive.
26. Bills - When you can't stop the run, you can't win games.
25. Titans - Jeff Fisher is one of the most under-rated coaches of this decade.
24. Raiders - There's something missing with this team.
23. Dolphins - Defense is not good enough to carry Chad Henne.
22. Redskins - This team may shock people, and win 7 games.
21. Broncos - With Dumervil and Miller, their defense will be improved, and John Fox made Jake Delhomme look good.
20. Cardinals - I think if Kolb will be good, it's going to take some time.
19. Giants - If you gamble, take the over in every game this year. Their defense is already decimated.
18. Rams - Steven Jackson is old, and there will be a lot of pressure on Sam Brad. Expect big things soon with him and Josh McDaniels, but not for a while.
17. Lions - I will move them down 7 spots immediately next week, when Matt Stafford gets hurt.
16. Chiefs - If this team stays healthy, great things can happen. I just feel Jamal Charles gets hurt sometime. He runs too hard and isn't big enough.
15. Bears - Jay Cutler isn't the biggest issue with this team. Their tackles can't pass block. Forte can have a big year in the passing game if this continues, Cutler won't have any time to throw downfield.
14. Texans - This teams playoff chances will rely on Arian Foster, or Ben Tate, and the secondary. How quick will Super Mario adjust to the 3-4?
13. Colts - This ranking can change to 30 very quickly.
12. Cowboys - Will Romo be healthy? Will this team play with heart now that the Cowardly Lion (Wade Phillips) is gone? Will Mike Jenkins have 50 yards in penalties a game?
11. Chargers - I've said it since day one. The Chargers will never win anything substantial with Norv Turner. He has Wade Phillips and Cam Cameron syndrome.
10. Buccaneers - Was the defense a fluke? Offensively, they are no joke.
9. Vikings - Yes, I'm serious. McNabb will be good enough at play-action so that they can't stack the box. Peterson will be Peterson. This team can turn the clock back to 2007.
8. Jets - Do you think Rex Ryan gets a little aroused during Field Goals?
7. Falcons - Arthur Blank looks like a pedophile on that bus.
6. Ravens - No excuses Joe Flacco, your team is stacked. Lee Evans and Vontae Leach are all you need offensively. Will the defense be too old?
5. Saints - Drew Brees and an opportunistic Defense is sometimes all you need.
4. Packers - They catch no one by surprise now. Every game for them is someone elses Super Bowl now. It's why no one has been able to repeat for almost 15 years.
3. Eagles - Vick is still a dog murderer.
2. Patriots - If Ocho and Haynesworth pan out, this team is unstoppable. Also, "Woodhead" sounds like oral sex with a peglegged pirate.
1. Steelers - Power Run. Aggressive, dominant Defense. 5 talented receivers? This team is scarier than Big Ben in central park at 4 am.
32. Bengals - Rookie Quarterbacks never get it done unless they are in a fail-proof, run-heavy defensive team. Good luck, Andy Dalton!
31. Seahawks - Tavaris Jackson.
30. Jaguars - Luke McCown.
29. 49ers - Alex Smith.
28. Panthers - They can run the ball. Ron Rivera can call a game defensively. Can Cam Newton "slam guys" as John Gruden puts it?
27. Browns - If Peyton Hillis gets hurt, and he will, this team won't be competitive.
26. Bills - When you can't stop the run, you can't win games.
25. Titans - Jeff Fisher is one of the most under-rated coaches of this decade.
24. Raiders - There's something missing with this team.
23. Dolphins - Defense is not good enough to carry Chad Henne.
22. Redskins - This team may shock people, and win 7 games.
21. Broncos - With Dumervil and Miller, their defense will be improved, and John Fox made Jake Delhomme look good.
20. Cardinals - I think if Kolb will be good, it's going to take some time.
19. Giants - If you gamble, take the over in every game this year. Their defense is already decimated.
18. Rams - Steven Jackson is old, and there will be a lot of pressure on Sam Brad. Expect big things soon with him and Josh McDaniels, but not for a while.
17. Lions - I will move them down 7 spots immediately next week, when Matt Stafford gets hurt.
16. Chiefs - If this team stays healthy, great things can happen. I just feel Jamal Charles gets hurt sometime. He runs too hard and isn't big enough.
15. Bears - Jay Cutler isn't the biggest issue with this team. Their tackles can't pass block. Forte can have a big year in the passing game if this continues, Cutler won't have any time to throw downfield.
14. Texans - This teams playoff chances will rely on Arian Foster, or Ben Tate, and the secondary. How quick will Super Mario adjust to the 3-4?
13. Colts - This ranking can change to 30 very quickly.
12. Cowboys - Will Romo be healthy? Will this team play with heart now that the Cowardly Lion (Wade Phillips) is gone? Will Mike Jenkins have 50 yards in penalties a game?
11. Chargers - I've said it since day one. The Chargers will never win anything substantial with Norv Turner. He has Wade Phillips and Cam Cameron syndrome.
10. Buccaneers - Was the defense a fluke? Offensively, they are no joke.
9. Vikings - Yes, I'm serious. McNabb will be good enough at play-action so that they can't stack the box. Peterson will be Peterson. This team can turn the clock back to 2007.
8. Jets - Do you think Rex Ryan gets a little aroused during Field Goals?
7. Falcons - Arthur Blank looks like a pedophile on that bus.
6. Ravens - No excuses Joe Flacco, your team is stacked. Lee Evans and Vontae Leach are all you need offensively. Will the defense be too old?
5. Saints - Drew Brees and an opportunistic Defense is sometimes all you need.
4. Packers - They catch no one by surprise now. Every game for them is someone elses Super Bowl now. It's why no one has been able to repeat for almost 15 years.
3. Eagles - Vick is still a dog murderer.
2. Patriots - If Ocho and Haynesworth pan out, this team is unstoppable. Also, "Woodhead" sounds like oral sex with a peglegged pirate.
1. Steelers - Power Run. Aggressive, dominant Defense. 5 talented receivers? This team is scarier than Big Ben in central park at 4 am.
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